Jan 29 2009
SCENE FROM A BLOCKBUSTER PARKING LOT
It was a sunny day in October and there were cars and people about—Folks from local businesses out for lunch on this warm October day. It was about 11:30 a.m. Since noon is the cut-off time at Blockbuster for the 2-day rentals, people were rushing to get their movies back in time and avoid a late charge.
A middle-aged woman was pulling out of her parking space, when a guy in his thirties pulled in. He was driving a white Long Bed pickup truck—one of those 4 door jobs. They’re enormous! The guy rudely pulls into the path of the woman and parks, and then goes to place two movies in the Night-Return slot. The woman is clearly aggravated about him cutting her off so she pulls back into her parking spot and gets out.
“You cut me off, ass-hole,” she yells.
He hadn’t even noticed her up to now. He shrugs. “So? I needed to get into the parking lot too, lady.”
“Is it my fault that you’re driving a boat instead of a regular-sized automobile?”
He shrugs again and turns back toward his truck. The lady turns around too, to head back to her car but under her breath she mumbles, “Small Penised Jerk!”
The guy hears some of it and stops. “What did you say?”
She looks up defiantly. “Small penis!” she shouts.
Without realizing it the two had drawn somewhat of a crowd. An overweight teen was coming out of the store, his lip and eyebrow pierced; a bad case of acne covered his face. He was stopped dead in his tracks. A woman in her forties who had parked away from the building in a spot that faced the street had just gotten out of her car to head into the building, but was now walking at a very slow pace, carefully eyeing the two as their most public argument unfolded. There were a couple of employees in the building too, who had paused from their day’s work of checking movies in and out.
“Everyone knows that guys like you who buy those humongous trucks are only compensating for having a small penis,” she boldly asserted.
Suddenly the guy did something no one expected. He unzipped his jeans and pulled out his penis. “There! Does that look ‘small’ to you?”
The woman studied the penis for a moment, as if choosing tomatoes from the produce market. “I guess it’s more of a medium,” she admitted very matter-of-factly.
“You should see it when it gets hard,” the guy bragged.
“They all get bigger when they get hard so you can’t really use that,” the woman answered. “Still, you were right. It’s not a small penis. It’s a medium.”
“Okay then,” the guy answered back, somewhat gratified.
With that he pulled up his pants, zipped his jeans and got back into his truck. In that same moment, the woman did as well and all those who had been watching the unusual affair returned to the events of their day.
In one of those moments when time stops, and things take place in slow motion, something unexpected had occurred. Something that would leave the observers, and the participants, questioning whether the whole thing had indeed taken place or if perhaps it had simply been a scene from a bad TV movie.
